‘What would you rather have him be then? some big macho man that snaps at our daughter?’: Father mocks 17-year-old daughter’s boyfriend as not “manly,” Mother shuts him down and defends daughter’s relationship

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Etai Eshet • Editor
Mar 1, 2025 5:00 PM EST

It's nothing new, nor is it a surprise that dads often struggle when their daughters start dating. Watching their little girl grow up and form relationships can bring out all kinds of protective instincts. But there's a line between wanting the best for your daughter and using her relationships to wage an internal battle with your own insecurities.  

For some fathers, the idea of their daughter dating goes beyond "Is he a good, kind guy?" and swerves into irrelevant judgments about whether the boyfriend fits some ancient standard of masculinity. Is he tall? Strong? Assertive? Tough? If he's not, then apparently it doesn't matter if he treats her well or makes her happy—because what kind of man isn't built like a Hollywood action hero? When dads get stuck on this idea of what "manliness" should look like, their insecurities tend to speak louder than their good intentions.

In some cases like today's story, it's pretty clear it's not about the boy and more about the dad. I mean, you want a 'real man' for your 17-year-old daughter? What, like a 45-year-old, bald and bearded biker? Yeah, thought so.

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  • "AITA for insulting my husband for what he said about our daughter’s bf?"

    "He made comments about him not being man enough"
    via AntonioGuillem

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My daughter (17f) recently started dating this boy 17m. He is her first bf ever. One of my biggest concerns when my daughter started dating is her getting mistreated, an obvious
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • concern. However, after meeting her bf at one of his baseball games (she met him trough one of her friends in baseball) I realized this was not something I had to be seriously concerned about.
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • He is genuinely one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Every time I see him interact with the coaches, his teammates, his opponents, my daughter, etc. it is always positive. He is just
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  • generally a very soft-spoken and kind individual, always positive and happy. I also say this with no ill intent, but he is fairly short and somewhat tubby, which is relevant to my husbands opinion
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  • I obviously do not care about this as he is a good person and quite clearly treats my daughter well. When my husband met him earlier however he did not seem as happy.
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • Cheezburger Image 10473890048
    via JackF

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Once he had left he told me that he don't think he was right for our daughter. He made comments about him not being man enough. I said that our daughter clearly loves him and he
    via Key-Jackfruit2552

  • The dad met his daughter’s first boyfriend—a kind, polite, and genuinely good kid—and decided his softer demeanor made him “not man enough.” His wife was quick to call him out, defending her daughter’s happiness and pointing out how ridiculous his judgments were.  

  • clearly loves our daughter, and that I'm happy she's with someone we know is going to treat her right. My husband said that he would rather her be with a "real man", not some short little
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • gay kid. I got a little mad at this and said what would you rather have him be then? some big macho man that snaps at our daughter? He responded by saying that that would be better then some fat pansy.
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • I told him he was just being an annoying to the kid for no reason other then he doesnt think hes "man" enough for some stupid arbitrary reason and that
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • he should be supporting our daughter. He said if yout fine with our daughter dating a pansy so be it I guess. He stormed off and I've been
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • Cheezburger Image 10473889792
    via Casarsa

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • reflecting on it and think maybe what I said was uncalled for as he has his own perspective on these things as a dad, and I should not have started thrown around insults as that does nothing to fix this issue for our daughter and her bf
    via Key-Jackfruit2552
  • ph_ph-photobomb Your husband is toxic AF. Id be crushed if my wife talked that way, and I know without a doubt, she'd leave me over comments like that. I'm so glad your daughter never learned what type of
    via ph_ph-photobomb
  • man she needs from your husband, and chose the man she wants. Don't know you, but that me off, people like him.... I'm sorry you're married to a "real man"
    via ph_ph-photobomb
  • JustHere-11337 NTA but your hubby definitely is. Have a one on one conversation with your daughter and advise her not to let your husband's comments sway her opinion on her bf (if she is aware of
    via JustHere-11337
  • the comments). Perhaps hubby needs some form of individual counseling, maybe an underlying insecurity.
    via JustHere-11337
  • Excellent-Zucchini95 I'm glad your daughter's boyfriend treats her better than your husband treats you. Good job teaching her to do better than you did. NTA.
    via Excellent-Zucchini95
  • Big-Resort4830 NTA. I hope you don't have any sons who are like your husband.
    via Big-Resort4830
  • Agreeable_Dog_40 Your husband is jealous and insecure of a 17 year old boy that has captured the affection of both his daughter and wife. Tell him to keep his opinions to himself especially far from your daughter and boyfriend.
    via Agreeable_Dog_40
  • ActivityWorried3263 Sounds like your daughter values kindness which is good. Your husband sounds like an insecure
    via ActivityWorried3263
  • Ok-Calligrapher1345 Is this real life? Your husband is clearly insecure about himself but will never admit it. That's why he has to talk about other men not being manly enough.
    via Ok-Calligrapher1345
  • But I'm sure he's a real man. He probably spends every Sunday watching football all day drinking beers. If he's not working then he's probably somewhere outside working on a project so he doesn't have to deal with any true household responsibilities. All the usual manly stuff.
    via Ok-Calligrapher1345
  • Hermit crabby NTA. Who could ever fault her for choosing someone who isn't like her father? Her boyfriend is not a pansy but your husband is a
    via Hermit_crabby

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